Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
