Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize