I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
It's not a walk of shame if you run
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
