Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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