I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
