so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
