I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
