It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
