Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
