How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
