ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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