Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
