oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
