It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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