I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
