You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
