dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
