see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
