We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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