Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
