ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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