new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
