I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
