For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
