My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
