you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
