i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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