He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Randomize
