I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
