Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
