After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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