I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
