Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You left your phone here
Wait...
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