i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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