You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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