You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
