Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
