im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
