Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
