I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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