Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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