i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
meet me or not, i'm out of control
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Randomize
