the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I use my feet as sexual weapons
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
