Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
