So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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