So drunk, too bad you don't want this
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
