and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
