The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
