it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Randomize
