apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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