yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
