My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize