Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
