Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
