I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
