a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize