Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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