she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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