There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
