Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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