I need help removing her.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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