my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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