wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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