Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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