Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
