is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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