your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
