i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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