i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
