One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
