she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
