Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize