Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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