i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
He uses pillows to masturbate.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
