So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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