If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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